Now that Lent has started and we’re past the first main fasting days, I hope any anxiety about this season has dissipated.  In her wisdom, the Church follows the advice of Christ throughout the gospels—exhorting the faithful to a deeper level of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.  These are not just recommendations for monks and nuns.  The entire Church is called to imitate Our Lord in these three things, families and children just as much as clergy and religious.  

Prayer, fasting, and almsgiving will look different for an adult than a 4th grader; so pair all Lenten practices with a healthy dose of prudence.  

Two Quick Things First…

Remember parents, as hard as Lent might be for you, it’s likely harder on the kids. They (theoretically) have less patience, maturity, and ability to deal with adversity than their parents. One of the ways I often shoot myself in the foot as a father is setting unrealistic expectations. Go into this penitential season expecting that some of your growth will come from forbearance, being humbled, or measuring reactions.  

 Second, look past the fasting and penances. They are not ends unto themselves! Nor are they proof that God desires our misery. By denying the world, the flesh, and the devil, we make more room in our hearts for God. Temptations to vice and idolatry of the world, the flesh, and the devil have never left the human heart! While prayer, fasting, and almsgiving are difficult, they are antidotes to the subtle snares of the evil one.  

Prayer

Just as each child has their own gifts and talents, so too, not every child takes to prayer in the same way. For younger children, praying the rosary is an accessible way into prayer. The memorized prayers even the playing field for kindergarteners and adults, and everyone in between. For slightly older children, perhaps igniting their imagination around the mysteries of the rosary could be of aid. 

One suggestion to bring up to kids: consider the origin of the prayers of the rosary. The Apostles’ Creed comes from the great saints who walked with Jesus. We speak of walking with Jesus in a spiritual sense, but what must it have been like to chat with Jesus? Hear Him pray? Next, the Our Father is just that: the prayer from Jesus’ own lips. This vocal prayer has been prayed by Jesus’ followers since the beginning of the Church. Literally, the very beginning! The Hail Mary first comes from the Archangel Gabriel where we speak words from heaven. Next are the words of St. Elizabeth, who was filled with the Holy Spirit. After the Glory Be, the Fatima prayer is recited (“O my Jesus, forgive us our sins…”). This prayer was given to the three Fatima visionaries by the Blessed Virgin Mary herself.

To older children, I would suggest introducing them to different aspects of the Catholic tradition. That could start with a good Lenten bible study. There are so many free bible study resources available now, for those that make the effort to look. Besides a bible study, the Church has a vast treasure trove of devotional prayers. There is a patron saint for nearly everything, and stories of saints of all types and walks of life. Encourage or gently coerce older kids to explore that tradition and find devotions and saints that speak to them. 

Fasting

Everyone’s favorite! Regarding fasting from food, have a plan. Look ahead for meatless meals, and if the kids are old enough, include them in the decision making. Make sure kids’ activities and dietary restrictions are taken into account.  A diabetic, for example, shouldn’t fast on bread and water all day; nor should kids in sports go without proper nourishment.   

The commonplace fast is giving up sweets for Lent, and that’s not a bad discipline. This year, try adding something more. It can be as simple as giving up a favorite food; snacking; or adding salt to a dish. Parents, I encourage you to lead the way in taking on a difficult fast. Don’t go desert hermit difficult: just difficult for you. When kids see their parents doing something, it may take some time for them to follow suit. But what would happen if they never saw their parents undertaking a fast that was hard to do? 

In our media-saturated world, I encourage everyone to fast from TV, internet, and phone usage in some way. Not stopping there, a family could replace a regular time for TV with another activity that everyone does together.  

Almsgiving

Each family’s state in life will determine their level of almsgiving, but do not forget the story of the widow’s mite. Jesus’ lesson to the apostles should shake each one of us: “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury. For they all contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, her whole living” (Mark 12:43-44; for the whole story, see v.41–44).

The point of almsgiving is detachment from the world, so another helpful activity could be culling through everyone’s possessions. There are shelters near just about any locale that accept clothing for those in need. And, don’t underestimate the simple benefit of letting go of things.  

Many Catholic organizations have opportunities to sponsor a child, whether nationally or internationally. Each child can contribute part of their allowance, even if it’s a small amount. This can help kids put a face to poverty and avoid it becoming an abstraction.    

Sometimes kids think they know everything—wait, sometimes?—or think they have the Catholic thing all figured out. And, much to my chagrin, I was that way myself well into my 20s. When I went looking for more depth in the Catholic faith, I was pleasantly surprised to find it. That was soon followed by embarrassment, that I was taken aback that a 2,000-year-old Church with saints from all ages and nations somehow had something to teach me.  

If that is you, or if your kids have everything “figured out”, keep fighting the good fight. Small victories of grace this year may feel insignificant, but could also open the doors to larger amounts of grace next year.